Red Vines
by arillovesyou22
Summary: This is a AVPM/ AVPS Story. -Ron is going through a tough time. His Red Vines are gone! And it doesn't help when Herman keeps beeing, well, Herman... Fallow Ron, Hermione, and Harry as they find love, and wait- diffrent bodies? Find out here...
1. Red Vines, detention, and heros

**Hello and welcome one and all StarKid fans! And/ or AVPM and AVPS fans. It's 3: 02 and I've been up since writing this little story about the life at Hogwarts. This first chapter is kinda short, so I apologize for that.**

**I don't own any part of this play/ musical at all! StarKid does, not me! IM JUST AN ELEVEN YEAR OLD KID! Ha, just kidding, I'm fifteen... (What a loser, huh? :D)**

**Enjoy, pretties. And girls, if you don't review, I'll rip your perky little boobs off! JK. Ha, don't you just love Joe Walker? Aka, Voldemort and Umbridge? I would say something to the dudes, but come on, it's mostly us girls out their... But seriously if you're a guy reading this story, I think I love you...**

Ron sat in Professor Snape's class. Nibbling away on a chocolate cupcake. He wasn't paying a bit of attention to his lesson like usual. He glanced up, looking at Hermione's frizzy hair blocking his view of Snape. He rolled his eyes, leaning forwards in his seat over the desk he shared with Harry, and tapped her of the shoulder as he threw his cupcake wrapper on the floor casually.

Hermione rolled her eyes. She did not like to be disturbed, especially when she's taking notes! She turned her head, her hair flying to her shoulder as she spotted Ron. Her heart flutters a bit. Ever since she met Ron she's had a very peculiar attraction towards him. She thanks Crookshankes every day for it- that is until he mysteriously disappeared- that he sneaked in Ron's bag. Sometimes Hermione even dreamed she was Crookshankes. Nibbling on Ron's underwear and browsing his belongings.

Was it his red hair? Certainly not. Was it his rude remarks? Hell no! Was it his odd appetite? God no. Was it his cute laugh? Or was it his crocked jaw? Or- or maybe it was his jealous remarks? She didn't quite know, but nor did she give a damn. She just wanted him, badly.

"Herman!" He shouted, making her snap back to his voice. Then she was reminded why she disliked every bone in his damn chubby body. He was bloody rude! "Would you mind controlling your hair? I can't see Snape's sexy robe."

Snape waved at Ron, running towards him and giving him a high five, followed by a quick, "Love you," before he ran back to the chalkboard, and explained more to the, strangely, ten kids in his class.

Hermione rolled her eyes, and looked at Harry. He seemed to be the only one who had SOME sane. "Harry?" She asked.

"Huh? Shit." He looked at her, wiping the drool from his mouth from staring dreamily at Cho, as were the other boys, and, Draco... "What Herman?" He asked rather rudely.

She gasped, "Aren't you going to talk to Ron about his rude behavior it isn't very nice." Ron rolled his eyes, taking out a Red Vine, but was shocked to see his bag empty.

"AHHH!" He yelled, standing, showing everyone his empty bag. "WHAT THE HELL!" He shouted.

"Oh my shit!" Harry yelled, standing, "F*ck no! This cannot be happening right now!" He shouted.

Hermione rolled her eyes. "You boys are over reacting. It's just a piece of candy. It isn't even that good."

Gasps filled the classroom. "That's absurd!" Snape pointed at Hermione, who was shocked. "You horrid, bitch! 400 points from Gyrifindor for Hermione's lack of encouragement, and her horrid taste in treats!"

"Why, she said she didn't even like Draco's drawings y'all that's just not right," Cho stated mater- of- factly, crossing her arms over her chest.

"Yeah, and I heard she had a crush on Umbrige!" Dean remarked, standing looking at Hermione disgustedly, "You little son of bitch."

Hermione gasped. She stood, followed by the rest of her class mates. "Guys, I don'-"

"SIT DOWN!" Snape yelled pointing at her chair. She sat, and the class grew silent. The only noise that was visible was Ron who was whimpering, holding his Red Vine bag close to his chest, rocking on the balls on his feet, and the occasional, "It's okay Ron, It's going to be alright." From Harry as he smoothed his back.

"H-how the hell can she not like Red Vines she's bitchin. She's a ass, that's what she is," Ron mutters under his sobs.

"Mr. Weasly, we will have Dumbledoor report to the scene with a new bag of Red Vines, and for you Miss Granger," Snape pointed at Hermione. "You have detention."

Hermione gasped. "What for? Ron's the one who yelled?"

"Yes, but he had a reason to."

Hermione rolled her eyes and placed her arms over her chest. "FML," She said silently to herself.

As the rest of Potions class ended, Dumbledoor approached Ron and Harry as Hermione stayed after class for her detention. "Ron! Oh dear dead God, here, here's your Red Vines."

Ron eagerly took them, and stuck about five in his mouth. Devouring the taste. "Use them well wise grasshopper." Dumbledoor remarked, and he skipped away, slapping Harry's ass as he did so.

Harry smirked, looking back at Dumbledoor as he dissaporated. "Man I love that guy-" but he stopped as he heard sobbing. Harry turned and spotted Ron whimpering.

"Ron- Ron, it's okay now. You have your Red Vines. It's bitchin now." He smirked.

"You don't understand, Harry. SHE F*CKING HATES RED VINES! How the hell can you hate a god damn Red Vine. They came from god himself. It was his first red treat! What the hell is wrong with that beast?"

"Come on, Ron. She's been through a lot, maybe she's acting this way because she likes you."

Ron pointed at Harry, "You take that back!"

"No!" Harry took a step back and nodded his head, "Yeah, maybe she likes you? Maybe she _looooooves_ you?" He gasped. "Maybe- maybe, and this is a big maybe- maybe... she possibly likes you because you eat Red Vines? Maybe she likes Red Vines, but doesn't know how to say it because she likes you- and come on, you never tell ANYONE you like them because it makes you look like a douche!" He shrugged casually, "It's like Spider man, Ron. She's the evil bitch, and your Spider man 'cause Spider man is the best god damn super hero on the plant!"

Ron nodded, "You're right, Harry... But- but she can't possibly like me. I'm like..." he paused, looking in the distance, "I'm nothing like Spider man-"

"Ron don't say that!" Harry shouted.

"But I'm not!" He placed his hand on Harry's chest, soothing his nipples casually, "I'm not a hero, Harry. I'm just- just a sidekick. You're the hero. You defeated ugly, hideous, stupid Voldemort-" as Ron said Voldemort's name, Voldemort's voice came into view.

"Raw!" But everyone stayed normal as if it didn't happen.

"- When you were a tiny baby. And-and maybe, I'm just Harry Potter's dumb friend who loves Red Vines and is in love with... Hermione Granger..."

"Ron..." Harry placed his hand on Ron's shoulder, making Ron stop soothing Harry's nipple, "You are my sidekick, because I'm Harry frekin' Potter, and I'm a legend. But- but maybe you can make your own Super hero? Ron," Ron looked at him, a Red Vine hanging out his mouth. "Go make your own hero."

Ron hugged Harry. "Yes," he said evilly, letting go of his friend. He rubbed his hands together. "Yes, and I shall be called... Red Vine boy- no... Red Vine MAN!"

Harry nodded his head, and grabbed his friends shoulder. "Ron, you're my hero."

**Why hello there. I _find_ it quite swell you click my tiny story today, and it would be awesome if clicked the review button and told me whatcha thought of it? I worked on it super hard. My twin and I ran by some ideas on what to do, and she picked the creative title, I wrote the ideas and came up with them.**

**Well, I was re- watching the AVPM and AVPS musicals, and I noticed that there wasn't a lot of stories online, so, I wrote one to the hopes of your likings! It will/ might be a Ron and Hermione shipping though if you want another one feel free to ask. Don't be shy!**

**Hugs and butterfly kisses, Arillovesyou22.**


	2. Pranks, Balls, and Diapers

**Welcome to Hogwarts. Here, you will be judged on whether you wear a diaper, whether you eat like a deranged hog, whether you don't comb your hair and you read books 24/ 7, or if you're Harry effin Potter, and everyone thinks you're totally awesome. Nah, you're loved no matter who you are. Because Fanfiction is for unique individuals. **

**I do not own anything. Nothing, I don't even own Brian, effin, Rosenthal. But, how totally awesome would it be? Wow, I sound like a crazed fan girl, but I'm writing Fanfiction, I am a crazed Fan girl. Durh, durh, durh, that's the Umbridge way.**

**Hope you enjoy chapter 2. God I really hope you enjoy it... **

"Attention all Hogwarts chillies, Hogwarts is now going under an extreme budget, meaning we cut back in text books, potions, feathers, and underwear all for your hormones to race at the annul Yule Ball. Bring a date, or you'll be the laughing stock for the rest of your miserable lives. That is all." Dumbledore explains, his wand on his throat making it clear for all of Hogwarts to hear.

Harry turned to Ron, "What- what the hell is a Yule Ball? Is it like a cat toy, or-" He stopped, honestly he didn't know where to go with it. He looked to Hermione who always had the answer, but for the first time in her life- she didn't.

She shrugged, "I don't know, maybe we can ask-"

"Snape!" Ron called, as the trio passed his presence in the halls. Snape stopped, and turned towards them, not before hugging Ron and slapping the back of Harry's head.

"Yeeees?" He asked, stretching out the question, looking over Ron, Hermione and Harry, who was rubbing the back of his head soothingly.

"Well..." Ron began, playing with the string on his rob, avoiding his eye contact. "I- well Harry really wanted to know- you know what, I just..." He stammers.

"Out with it Weasly." He orders.

"Hermione wanted to ask you to the Yule Ball!" He shouted, high-fiving Harry, as the two laughed. "Gotcha Herman!" They both shrieked, laughing.

Hermione was perplexed. "Wha-?" She started but was cut off by Snape.

"Why that's absurdddddd! A student asking a teacher? I'm sure that's not legal, but..." Hermione's heart stopped, and for a minute she thought he was going to say yes.

Ron and Harry, who were now laughing at Hermione, stopped to stare at Snape, who was actually thinking her suggestion through. "Alright Miss Granger, I'll report to the Ball with you- but don't think it'll give me back those points to your house! I don't fly that way," he soon strolled off, leaving three starstruck 11 year old kids.

Hermione turned to Ron and Harry, who were now clutching their sides with laughter. "It's not funny!" She snapped, stomping her foot and clutching her books close to her chest.

"Oh, It's pretty funny- YOU'RE GOING TO THE YULE BALL WITH SNAPE!" Harry shouted, pointing at her, laughing even harder. The students in the hall stopped and laughed.

"Oi! Herman's goin' to eh dance with Profesa' Snape!" Semus shouted pointing at Hermione's flushed face.

"Got over ya crush on Umbridge huh, Herman?" Dean asked, high -fiving Semus as they mocked her.

"I don't _find_ this surprising at all!" Cedric commented.

She looked around feeling heartbroken; Her so called friends pulled this on her. She felt a salty tear fall down her cheek, a feeling she felt quite too often. She hugged her books closer to her chest, wishing that maybe the books would absorb the pain she had, but that wasn't possible. She ran from the scene, making the laughter continue.

Running towards the bathroom, she sat on a toilet, bringing her knees to her chest as she cried into them. She knew this place too well. She looked to her right and observed the stall with the blue paint chippings. She brought her finger to it and pealed. The feelings she knew too well, the way the dried paint would dig in her fingernail and fall to the tiled floor.

She sniffed, wiping the tears with the back of her hand. "Granger?" A familiar voice echoed in her ears, and she flinched at the voice. It was the voice you grew to hate more, and more every time you heard it. She looked up at the source, and there stood Draco Malfoyd. He seemed to be standing on the toilet seat because he was about 5'3; He wasn't a very tall boy.

But why? Why is he in the girls restroom? Why is he standing on the toilet seat and talking to _her_? "Draco?" She asked, shocked. She brought her feet down, and looking up at him to get a better view.

"Why are you in the boys restroom you mud blood?" He asked, his face in disgust. "Is it your first time using the potty too?" He asked, his face lighting a bit.

She sniffed, "No," she said flatly, "Draco, this is the girls restroom."

"That's..." he shook his head, "That's quite silly, Granger but no. You're mistaken, this is indeed, the boys restroom. She stood, unlocking the stall door and stepping out. She faced her reflection staring back at her.

Her eyes were red and puffy, signs of obvious crying and weeping. Her noose was runny, and her hair was sticking to her sweaty face. It was not a sight to see. Draco soon jumped down from the potty, and all Hermione herd was a 'plop' from the toilet water, and a flush. Soon several other movements were heard.

Such as unwrapping, and soon enough the stall door opened, and Draco stepped out. "I quite like that poopy contraption. It's very helpful." He grinned.

She rolled her eyes, "Draco, what are you doing in the girls restroom?"

Draco sighed, and began to wash his hands, "I don't know if you noticed this Hermione but..." he sighed, "but, my father never taught me to use the potty. He was never there for me- ever. Probably not even when I was born. I don't remember. But, throughout my life I used a diaper to empty my waste- but trust me, it isn't as silly as it sounds."

"What? An eleven year old boy wearing a diaper?"

Draco gasped, turning the water off and turning to face her. He brought his wet hands up, and extended his finger, making the water particles fly onto her face. "Might I add I'm eleven and a half?" He says, putting his wet hands on his hips.

She raises a brow, but doesn't say anymore. "Anyway," he turned back to the sink, staring at his reflection. "As the first time I visited the potty in the men's room, I noticed, there isn't a diaper changer. So I went to the gals and well, there it was! The cute picture of a Koala bear and that cute slogan, 'Koala Kare.' Turns out, they actually care!" He grinned. "I'm found of this room."

She nodded, and wiped her nose with a paper towel, trowing it away. Draco wince. "What's got you to the potty room, Granger?" He asked, watching as she wiped her nose again. Again he grimace as she blew her nose, and threw away her waste.

She sniffed, "It's Ron-"

"Isn't it always?" He interrupted, "That filthy ginger is always making a mess of everything. He was in the way of my friendship with Harry Potter. We were going to fly to PigFarts in my green rocket ship and live happily every after with Rumbelroar, the headmaster lion," he turned to face her, "-who can talk, and that ginger would be friends with his rat and his poo..."

"Well, it was Ron and Harry. Usually I'd ignore their stupidity and those horrid jokes and pranks they pull on me, but-" she stopped.

He shrugged, "But they finally got to ya, eh?" She nodded, trying to keep the tears inside. "Hermione- what did they possible do that'll make it worse than the other times?"

"Well-"

He laughed, making her stop her talking, "Like-" he stopped to laugh, "Like that time we were in Transfiguration class, and Harry put a spell on you that made your teeth grow five times bigger? -Or, or maybe the time when we sang Hermione can't draw?- Because really you draw like a two year old giving birth- It was like, Hermione can't draw- then," he paused to let his laughter escape, "Then Lupin came and we- were all, Lupin can't sing, then we went back to you oh! Good times!"

She rolled her eyes, "Yes Draco, it was wonderful times that I was being made fun of all these years and my so called friends don't have any respect for me... But no, actually- they, they set me up on a date with... Snape. To," she huffed, "to the Yule Ball."

"Aha!" He laughed, leaning over to control his laughter, but no such luck. "Oh I do not envy you!" He pointed at her and continued to laugh.

"And the worse part is... he said yes-"

"AHAA! You're going to the Yule Ball with Snape! That's a shame, I heard he dances like a snake! Get it, cus' snakes can't dance they just slide around like a tool! Aha!"

"Whatever Draco. I shouldn't know you weren't going to be supportive. You're the worst..." she paused, her face brightened. "And I thought we were really becoming good friends..."

Draco stopped his laughter, and pushed his way towards Hermione. "Friends you say? Well, I can't argue with that statement." He stuck his hand out for her to take, "Hold on, friend. We're about to go back into time to stop that humiliation disaster. I hope you wore your diaper, because you're about to-"

"To shit my pants I know- I know Draco, let's just go."

"Very well..."

**End, chap. Thanks to my three lovely reviewers:** **Chasing Aspirations, Lovemuffins, gypsy rosalie. So sorry it took me long to update. Usually I update quite often, like twice a day if I'm lucky, but my whole Mormon family is here (My dad's side. I'm at my dad's house, yes, my parents are split up) and I keep getting interrupted from this story. I probably re-read the same thing 5 times already. **

**But, if you clicked that review button right there, it'll make me the Coolest girl in the whole wide World. **


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